My Favorite Distraction (Distraction #1) Read online

  Jason was quiet. I felt his arm come around my back and pull me in for a hug. He kissed the top of my head. “Thank you,” was all he said.

  After dinner, we cleaned up and headed upstairs. I saw my luggage near the closet and began to search for my pajamas.

  “If you need anything, I will be down the hall. No leaving in the morning without waking me.”

  I looked up, ready to argue.

  Then he finished, “Please.”

  Jason closed the door. I noticed Bo’s bed was in my room, with Bo curled up in it. I smiled and sat down next to Bo. He rolled over, and I rubbed his belly.

  I showered but kept my hair up. I didn’t like to sleep with wet hair and it seemed like too much work to dry it. My luggage was open just outside the closet and the things that were still on hangers were already in the dark closet hung up. I pushed the suitcase against the door to keep it firmly against the wall, filling it with shoes and boots. I hated that I continued to fear the closet door, but some things I could never fully forget. I rummaged through my pajamas and found a white tank top and pink, plaid pajama bottoms. After I brushed my teeth I glanced around. Bo was wrapped up in his bed and it felt wrong to separate a man from his dog. I opened my door. Bo jumped up and I snatched his bed. My bare feet padded down the hall on the soft carpet toward Jason’s room. I pushed open the door and placed Bo’s bed in the designated spot from the night before.

  Jason turned on the light and sat up. “Everything all right?”

  He wasn’t wearing a shirt. I was paralyzed at the sight of him. He was very muscular and smooth, with a tight chest and abs. He was perfection. I stood there, unable to move.

  “Katarina,” he said, drawing me out of my haze.

  I was stunned and spoke before I could stop myself. “I really want to bite you.” I licked my lips, my mouth watering. I blushed when I saw the tense look on his face. Shit, what was I saying? “Not out of anger, I just want to taste you.” This sounded so much better in my head.

  “I know what you want. You want to mark me. I want nothing more than to mark you, but now is not the time.” He was grabbing a shirt from his drawer. I was positive that marking him wasn’t my goal. He just looked so good and I wanted to see if he tasted as sweet.

  He made no move toward me and our silence was awkward.

  “It’s just not safe with me in here. You need to leave.” He was straightforward with his statement and it kind of pissed me off. Did he want me here or not?

  “I don’t understand. I’m the one threatening you.” I pointed to my teeth.

  “Have you ever heard the phrase ‘the lion’s den?’ ‘Don’t go into the lion’s den?’”

  I nodded.

  “Is this ‘role-play?” A huge smile broke across my face, but dropped quickly at his tense stare. “You don’t scare me. I want to sleep in here. I feel safer with the lion.” I really wanted to say, “Challenge accepted.” I rounded the bed on the other side of him and jumped in. “I promise not to bite…hard.” I gave him an overconfident smirk.

  He looked strained. He was gripping his neck with his hand so hard it looked painful. Then he disappeared into the bathroom, and I heard the shower running. He came back out minutes later and crawled into bed, careful not to touch me. “You take a lot of showers.” I lay there questioning everything. ‘Why was I here? Why doesn’t he want me in his bed? What goes on in those showers?’ I wanted him to touch me or talk with me. Anything would be less weird than this.

  Jason was just quiet, obviously in no mood for talking. He reached over and turned the light off. I still felt playfully giddy, sleeping over with a male friend was new to me.

  “Should we have rules? You know, for sleeping together?”

  He remained quiet.

  “How about you can touch me anywhere, but no sex?” I drew out “anywhere.” I was really trying to make him laugh, but he remained quiet for a long while. “Do you want me to leave?”

  He didn’t answer. I was trying the quiet thing now too. His hand reached over and touched mine.

  “Are you scared to touch me?” I already told him I wasn’t scared. I was practically throwing a steak at a lion. Please touch me, make me feel, something. Numb is all I have ever felt.

  “I don’t want you to leave.” He squeezed my hand. “I need to ask something, but I don’t want you to joke with me or run.” He was very serious.

  “OK.” I brought his hand to my mouth and kissed it. He took a deep breath.

  “Are you on birth control?”

  I couldn’t help it. I started to laugh. I tried to keep it quiet, but the bed was shaking.

  I finally pulled it together. “That’s a little presumptuous of you, don’t you think?” He was quiet, and I cursed myself for joking when he specifically asked me not to. “No, I am not on birth control. I have never needed to be on it,” I answered in my most serious voice, and then it hit me—he thought he was going to hurt me like Jared did. “You are not like him, you know. You would never hurt anyone. I mean, without their permission. You are gentle and kind. Besides, I have never had anyone protect me like you. Why would you protect me if your intent was to hurt me?”

  He was quiet again for a long while. I thought maybe he had fallen asleep.

  “Do you have condoms?” I was hoping he knew I wasn’t suggesting we use one right now.

  “Yes, I have condoms,” he finally said.

  “Do you want babies?” I asked, my voice a little high-pitched.

  “Not right now,” he answered quickly.

  “Can I have all of your condoms?”

  Jason was quiet and still, and then he sat up and turned on his light. He reached into the drawer, pulled out his box of condoms, and handed them to me. I got out of bed.

  “I will be right back.”

  Minutes later, I came back and crawled into bed.

  “Where did you put them?” he rolled on his side to look at me. He looked so dreamy and I needed to touch him even if it was just for tonight.

  “I will give them back in the morning.” I snuggled close to him. It was the first time I had ever slept with a man and I was going to take advantage of it. He was stiff, but began to relax next to my body. I fell fast asleep.

  * * * *

  I woke up when the bed shook. He was getting up to use the bathroom. I heard the shower running again and glanced at the time. It was 2:11 a.m. I closed my eyes and fell back to sleep. I woke the next time with kisses on my arm, my fingers, and then my stomach.

  “Good morning.” It came out all breathy. He continued to kiss me.

  “You said I can touch you anywhere, but no sex, right?” He whispered it in my ear like he didn’t want to wake me.

  “Yeah…” My heart began beating at a faster pace.

  “Do you ever masturbate? I would love to watch you touch yourself.”

  “No, I have never…I am not made for that.” I felt his smile against my skin.

  “We will see if your body agrees.”

  He started to lift my tank top, and I froze a little.

  “It’s OK, I promise to only make you feel good.” He was moving my shirt over my head as he talked. My arms locked together over my head with my tight tank top. He looked into my eyes and said very sternly, “Leave it like that, and don’t move. If anything hurts you, you can tell me, but no talking either.”

  I sucked in oxygen like I couldn’t get enough, and he continued to kiss me. He kissed me lightly on my mouth, then pulled back to look at my body.

  “In all the times I pictured you like this, I never thought you would be this beautiful.”

  His hand lightly grazed the underpart of my breast, and I felt my tiny nipples harden. He took his time like he was playing, never actually touching my nipples. A moan escaped my lips, and it surprised me. The ache that had been in my heart was now directly between my legs. I began to move into his touch. He was so soft, his hands now feathering across my nipples. He took one between two fingers and pinched it slightly.
I moaned and rolled my eyes.

  He watched me closely. “I have never seen anything more beautiful.” His voice was silent, like he was only talking to himself. It was as though he couldn’t believe this was really happening.

  He lowered his mouth to one breast and covered the nipple, and I thought I was going to explode. He did the same to the other breast. I was attempting to hold on to the top part of the bed. My body was shifting, moving with his every touch. He moved down my stomach with light kisses and stopped at my belly button. I heard him whisper something. It sounded like “I feel like it’s Christmas,” but I couldn’t hear for sure, so I remained quiet. He pulled down my bottoms, and I heard him take in a deep breath. I thought he was going to comment on the no panties, but he didn’t say anything. He took off the pajama pants all the way and then looked up at me.

  “You shaved. I think you have the most incredible, appetizing pussy I have ever seen.”

  I started to breathe heavy again at his words. I felt a pulse that was out of control between my legs, but I was silent. I was so scared I would scare him and he would stop. He started to kiss my legs, his hands giving me feather strokes over my sensitive skin. He touched me where I felt the pulsing, and I almost cried out.

  “You are so swollen. You want this, don’t you?” His voice was a whisper. He was convincing both of us he was doing the right thing.

  He moved his fingers until they were just outside the entrance, and I felt him penetrate me at the same time he kissed my pulsing area. He continued to move his fingers in and out of me, until all I could feel was him everywhere. I looked at him, wanting to see his mouth on my body. His focus on my body, his tongue, his hands, it was all too much. A rush of warmth spread throughout my body, followed by a tingling sensation. I felt my toes curl. The release of buildup he created was the most addictive feeling I had ever felt. I moaned loudly before I was completely silent and my body arched off the bed. My back slowly settled on the mattress again and I started to relax.

  “Wow, that was crazy.” I was struggling to get the words out. He was silent as I tried to get my breathing, and my heart to return to normal. And all I could think about was if lions had sex like this. I needed to look that up tomorrow.

  I heard a victory laugh from him. He waited some time before moving his hand and kissing me all over again. He started with my feet this time and began his slow work to my stomach, passing the area between my legs. He kissed my breast until I was moaning uncontrollably, then moved to kiss my lips. He tasted salty and sexy, and his mouth was hot and wet. I couldn’t get enough of it. His touch was electric. I felt him everywhere and it still wasn’t enough.

  Jason pulled away too fast and rested his forehead on mine. My body was arching uncontrollably to get close to him, but I was trapped, my arms restrained by the tank top, and he was purposely too far away. I couldn’t reach him.

  He whispered, “What you’re feeling right now…is what I feel for you all the time, since the first time I saw you in the coffeehouse.” He pulled back to look into my eyes, and I felt sad. A tear fell from my eye and then another.

  “I am so sorry,” and I meant it. I was never the one to cause pain and what I felt was painful. It was new to me. Not knowing had been better than this.

  He raised a finger to my lips. “Sh,” was all he said, and he moved down my body and began kissing me again. I felt the release coming a couple times, but then he would move away like he was playing a sick game. I felt helpless. I removed my hands from the top part of the bed I had gripped on to and wiggled out of my top. I moved my hands to his head. I dug my nails in, pulling his hair, and he plunged his fingers into me again and again, his hot mouth giving me slow kisses in my most needy area. My eyes closed and I could still see him between my legs and I gave into it, letting my mind slip away. I screamed. I felt my insides pulsate, gripping onto his fingers, and then I relaxed. I felt sweaty and drained. My eyes rolled back in my head, and I fell back to sleep.

  Chapter 7

  Thank you

  I awoke later and used the bathroom. When I came out, I noticed Jason’s hair was wet again.

  “Seriously, you are the cleanest man I know,” I whispered, crawling back into bed.

  I noticed on the nightstand closest to me was a water bottle. How sweet, he’d gotten me a water bottle. It was silly that that small effort made me cry. Tears fell, and I couldn’t stop them. I left the room and sat in the hallway until I finished. Bo walked out and put his head in my lap. I cried in silence for many things, things I didn’t want to think about when I was with Jason. I reminded myself I was here because he was different, special, and he made me feel wanted. He was supposed to distract me from my memories. I needed to work harder, until he was all I thought about. I sat there for a long time and just pet Bo. It amazed me how this big dog could calm me and make me feel like everything was going to be OK.

  I entered the room again. Bo followed and took his place in his bed. I climb into bed and stared at the beautiful man next to me. I wanted so badly to make his pain go away. I wanted to be what he needed. I started to kiss his chest. It was smooth and hard. I traced his muscles with my finger. His skin was soft to the touch. He stirred a little, but didn’t wake. I began to inspect his body, counting and kissing his freckles and moles. I ran my tongue over his nipples and felt him shiver, and I smiled, enjoying it. I pulled the covers back and kissed his belly button. I laid my head on his stomach and traced the lining of his pajama bottoms. I felt the shiver again. I saw the outline of his penis, and my eyes got wide. I couldn’t believe I’d never noticed it. It looked uncomfortable to have all the time. I touched it through his pants just lightly, making trails around it with my finger.

  “Shit, Katarina, what are you doing?”

  I giggled into his stomach but didn’t stop. I didn’t even look in his direction.

  “I have two older brothers, and I can say for sure I am not a virgin, but I have never seen one.”

  It was starting to dance with my touch. He grabbed my hand.

  “I am sure it’s because I never wanted to, but I think it’s weird, right? I took anatomy in college. I saw them in books, read about their function, but have never seen or touched one…I hate that I don’t know how to fix your pain. That I truly don’t understand the whole sex addict thing.”

  He let go of my hand and brushed back my hair.

  “Can you teach me?” I asked this without moving, imagining how he was contemplating how to tell me no. “I am a fast learner.” My voice was quiet and weak. “I will try not to disappoint you.”

  He grabbed my hair and pulled me up to him. My head tilted in his grip so my eyes were facing his eyes.

  “You could never disappoint me as long as you’re with me. I don’t want you saying or thinking that again.” It was a fierce command. His hands softened in my hair when I nodded in understanding. He brought his lips to mine and kissed me. His tongue came out, and he licked my lips. He tasted minty and I liked it. “OK, do you want to touch it or taste it?” he asked, as he squeezed his eyes shut. He was breathing heavy just talking about it.

  “Both.” I looked in his eyes. “I would like to try both, please.”

  He jumped out of the bed and was stripped naked before I finished with “please.” I laughed. I thought he would avoid me, thinking I’d do it wrong and make it hurt worse, but he was eager.

  “All right, I am ready.” He was back on the bed, lying straight on his back.

  “I have rules,” I told him, smiling. “No talking unless I am asking a question. I think it would stress me a little, like backseat driving. How about I just get acquainted with your…uh…member.” I started to straddle his body. “Do you understand my rules? If you don’t, I will stop, and you will hurt again.”

  He laughed a lot. “I think you might be sadistic, with the pain talk and the biting.”

  “No, I don’t enjoy giving you pain. I just feel like I need to.” I gave him a slow smile, so he knew I was playing. My body t
ouched his, and the skin-on-skin reaction caused him to moan. I leaned over his right shoulder and bit him hard. He laughed as I pulled away. “You taste so good.” My finger traced the bite mark. “That might leave a mark.” I smiled big. Looking at the bite mark, I felt like my heart was going to explode. “It’s OK. It looks perfect on you.” I flashed a look to his eyes, and he looked strained. He wasn’t enjoying this like I was.

  I moved down his body, and he leaned up on his elbows to watch me. I settled on the bed between his legs and took my eyes off of his to focus on my task. I looked at the object in front of me. My fingers traced his penis up and down and over his scrotum. It was funny to me to see how small and tiny my fingers were next to his unit. My hands gripped the base gently at first. I could barely reach my hand around it. I slid my fingers up and down a little, then came to the bottom part and gently squeezed. I looked up at him, and he threw his head back. When he returned, his eyes met mine. He was biting his lip hard. It looked uncomfortable.

  I swiped the back of his shaft with my tongue, and my mouth became watery. I suddenly had so much moisture in my mouth that I was slobbering all over him. My hands began moving the saliva around, and I put the whole head in my mouth. I sucked just like my friends talked about. Up and down I sucked, enjoying the taste and feel of him. His hips started jerking at first and then in a rhythm, and I kept myself still and let him move, only concentrating on sucking.

  “Aw fuck, Katarina, I am going to come.”

  He said something else after that, but my heart began beating so hard I couldn’t hear anything. It was like when you run and your second wind kicks in and you feel like you can run forever, you never want to stop. I was so excited I could do this to him. He tried to push me, tried to move, but I held strong. I kept up my rhythm and put as much of him in my mouth as possible. His whole body tensed and he fisted his hands in my hair, before a liquid shot down my throat. I couldn’t swallow it fast enough, and it came oozing out the sides of my mouth, down my neck. I was fascinated by it, the taste and texture and the way it felt on my skin and in my mouth. When he finished, I tried to suck on him again. He only laughed and pulled me into his arms. I knew I was a mess, and I tried to push him away.